Series: #5 Welcome to Hell
Author: Eve Langlais
Links: http://evelanglais.com/wordpress/books/hell5
“Blowing up volcanoes and starting wars pales in comparison to making hearts explode and encouraging sinful, fleshly delights.” Lucifer’s candid one on one interview with HNN.
Big deal, so he kept losing the oar. It wasn’t Adexios fault the Styx monsters were working against him, but tell that to his dad. Charon is determined to make a man out of him—whether his mother likes it or not—and Lucifer has offered to help. Help means sending Adexios in to the wilds of Hell with an Amazon warrior as his companion.
The savage fighter doesn’t know what to think of her geeky partner. Adexios attracts Valaska with his brains instead of brawn. He also shows a cunning courage she can’t help but respect.
They’ll need all the skills they can muster, though, if they’re going to prevail against the newest threat to Hell. With the wilds submerged by seawater, and monsters hungry for flesh, they’ll have to fight to stay alive, and learn opposites not only attract, they explode. (With passion, not guts, in case that wasn’t clear.)
Welcome to the pit where the danger is never ending, the sea monsters are multiplying, and Lucifer is planning the wedding from Hell.
“Love is but a game and I control the pieces.” Lucifer’s philosophy.
Gaia's retort. "I told you not to tell people about the cuffs."
Snippet #2:
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Adexios asked.
“According to eighty-nine out of a hundred psychiatrists, yes,” Lucifer replied with evident pride.
“And what about the other eleven?” Adexios asked.
“Had them reassigned to latrine duty for incompetence of course. I have a reputation to maintain after all. Mentally balanced, my hairy ass.”
Snippet #2:
“You’re not supposed to force people to fall in love,” Gaia said.
“Why not? It worked with you.” Lucifer waggled his brows and leered.
“You didn’t force me. Against my better judgment, and despite all the therapy sessions and spells, I just couldn’t help myself. You’re like crack to my heart.”
His gaze narrowed. “Did you just compare me to a highly addictive, dangerous drug?”
“Yes.”
“Mon amour.”
Snippet #3:
“About Adexios, you aren’t seriously sending him out to count demons in the wild? It’s impossible and a waste of his talent,” she said.
Lucifer rolled his eyes in a very duh expression. “I know the boy is too smart for that. However, I couldn’t tell him the real reason I needed him out there.”
“You’re still searching for that thing that popped in from that other dimension, aren’t you? I thought you told me not to worry my pretty pubic curls about it.”
“And I still don’t want you to worry. I will handle it. This is man’s work.” Chauvinism, alive and well in Hell.
Snippet #4:
“If at first you don’t succeed, chop off its head.” From the Amazon Guide to the Undead Apocalypse.
Snippet #5:
“If at first you don’t succeed, cheat.” From Lucifer’s Guide to Ultimate Domination
Excerpt:
Standing under the hot spray of his shower, Adexios had just soaped himself when a deep voice said, “Tell me you’re whacking off and not actually bathing to avoid your meeting with me.”
Hear that unmanly squeak? Yeah, that came from him as he clung to the curtain and peeked around the edge. “What are you doing in my bathroom?”
Lucifer’s dark brows arched. “I left strict instructions that I wanted to meet with you the moment you brought in your boat—late again. While I commend you on never being on time, especially since it drives my staff nuts, defying me isn’t conducive to a long and torture-free life. Some would even say it’s moronic.”
“Really?” Adexios brightened. “I don’t suppose you could tell my mom I did something stupid? It would totally make her day.”
You’d think that a grown man in his thirties wouldn’t give a shit anymore, but when his mom was happy, she baked, and given his cooking skills equaled varying degrees of burnt, he could use some home-cooking lest he wither to skin and bones. He was, after all, his father’s son.
“Mama’s boy,” Lucifer uttered with a shake of his head.
The devil said it as if it was a bad thing. Adexios had two-dozen homemade oatmeal
raisin confections in his Cookie Monster jar that said otherwise.
“Is there any particular reason you felt a need to rush our meeting? I was planning to come as soon as I washed and put on some clean clothes.”
“So finish off and get dressed. We need to talk.” Lucifer hopped onto the vanity and crossed his arms, whistling as he waited.
“Um, could you like maybe step into the next room while I finish?”
“Feeling inadequate?” Lucifer smirked. “I can’t really blame you. My wench doesn’t call me her stallion for nothing.”
“I thought it was because your fear of commitment made you run like the wind.”
The devil’s eyebrows drew together in a large black hairy beetle. “I fear nothing. Not even our upcoming”—Lucifer swallowed hard—“engagement party. The horror of it. Whatever happened to living in sin? I like sin. I encourage sin. But oh no, she wants to get married she says. She wants to lock me into a monogamous agreement. It’s utterly unnatural.”
Given Lucifer’s woebegone look, Adexios couldn’t help but throw him a verbal helping hand. “But just think of the benefits. Now when you stay late after work, and she harangues you, you can accuse her of stifling you, of not trusting, and of not wanting you to get ahead with your work.”
“You mean start a fight?” Lucifer perked up. “Fighting means makeup sex. I excel at makeup sex. And spontaneous sex. And…”
As Lucifer went on to list the many ways he excelled at fornication, Adexios popped his head back in the shower. Rinsing off the rest of the soap, he wondered, with a curiosity that plagued the mentally acute, what had brought Lucifer to his home.
Locks couldn’t keep the devil out if he wanted to see a person. The big guy had the ability to pop in on anyone anywhere in Hell, but he didn’t do it often. Lucifer claimed a trick like that was most effective when used sparingly. Apparently, the screams were more authentic that way.
Clean at last, Adexios shut off the water then grimaced. Whoever had built this place hadn’t been thinking when they put the towel bar out of reach of the shower. This meant he’d have to flash his boss. No big deal. After all, Lucifer truly had seen it all.
And I’ve nothing to be ashamed of.
Adexios yanked the plastic curtain to the side and stepped out. However, his hand froze in the process of reaching for a towel as he noted, while Lucifer sat atop his vanity, still expositing on the virtues of his lovemaking, a tall, very tall, woman stood in his bathroom.
Did he mention she was very attractive too? Blonde hair swept into a high ponytail, a muscular body that retained an hourglass shape displayed in a warrior-woman outfit consisting of a leather corset, which pushed her breasts high and created a shadowy valley, tight leather shorts hugging curvy hips meant for grabbing, and knee-high black boots that were just fucking hot. She also wore a sword at her side and a very amused expression.
“Well, hello there,” she said, her voice husky and sensual.
Too sensual. A certain part of him perked in interest, and Adexios fervently wished, as his cheeks heated, that a Styx monster would rise from the shower drain and swallow him whole.
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